One of the most spectacular people ever just found me on DA!
I could just die I'm soooooooooo happy!

They read Carnelian way way back when it was called Ribbon!

Ahh! I'm sooooo super dee duper happy!

Remus turns eight years old today! I made Remus in 6th grade and today's his big ole eighth birthday! Hard to believe that I made him so long ago. *hugs*

Tis right, tis right, I'm finally a senior illustrator at my school.

Currently working on developing/doing thesis work, which is and isn't all it's cracked up to be. I've actually got enough free time to lead a Comic Creation Club, so it can't be that bad.

It's been much harder emotionally than any actual problems with the work load. When you get to this point, you feel far more unsure about your abilities and confidence rather than anything else. It's very strange to compare that to the freshmen, the outlook on work is complete different. Not bad, just different. I feel very old when I see them talking about projects and art; my view has grown so much.

Currently I'm working on my wax chess set, at some point to be casted in aluminum and bronze and the chess table to display the set. I have already bought some antique chairs for the table and a friend of mine might be requested to weave a rug for me. (i'm so lucky!)

Illustration wise, I'm merely in the research phase. I'm fighting my instructor/ignoring her completely because I know what I want my thesis to focus on and she wants something else. It's too much for me. But I'm doing research on foundry and I have three weeks. I cannot "put the cart before the horse" I'm told over and over. *laughs* Common for me.

There's still a lot to do, but it is getting easier as the work load builds up. I'm surprised by where I fail and where I succeed day to day.

I think I'll just be honest in a public place. I'm usually never honest in a public place, rather I say everything in riddles and usually only people that read my personal LJ or speak to me on the phone would get.
I had the hair raising experience of falling in love with a person at first sight. It's a horrible flurry of emotions for a control freak like me, even more so because of my low self esteem. Phrases like, "I don't even deserve to look at so and so" drift through my mind very easily, so I've been having a very tumultuous time of it lately. I finally broke down and told the person and then I was rejected, which in all honesty, I expected and was fine with. It was the crash that was painful. It was the heart rending after effects of not having the bliss along with the anguish. All that was left was a gaping tear where a person should have been. And I'm still coping with it. This is not a "in the past" thing, this all happened pretty recently.
And I know it'll pass and I'll get better and all that, I just know in my craziness I'm certainly doomed to "say the WRONG thing".
And I've called myself all sorts of names trying to deal with this. I don't know how making myself feel more miserable is somehow going to make the pain go away. I just wish that the mistakes I make wouldn't bite so damn hard.
I keep telling myself that I'm gonna be brave; I'm not gonna cry when I see the person. And I keep doing it and that's really frustrating. Problem with being hypersensitive is that it gets really hard to hide your emotions at times; you feel everything so crazy crazy strong sometimes you explode.
All I managed to figure out through all of this is that I want to hang out with people. I feel so cut off from everyone. I feel like I've been crying out for someone to really talk to and people to laugh with and days from my past when I didn't give a shit whether I was dating someone or not. I didn't need that. And I never want to "need" another person anyway; that's never been what I'm about.
Every lesson seems to get more awkward than the last one. But I'll keep plugging along. At least I don't actually implode from these problems; just feels like I do.

I can't say I'm totally a fan of Red Bull, but it DID miraculously cure me of a splitting headache AND I'm finally awakened from my hour nap that I shouldn't have taken. You know how you take those naps that just make you want to roll back to sleep. You usually feel more tired than you did before you took the nap, you know? It was one of those.
I was graciously given the red bull yesturday by a stranger. Fate might be looking after me. Or is being nice to me after making me feel like the worst scumbag on the planet, not sure.

In good news, artistic creative is up up up, bad news, I had to walk up one of the worst emotional mountains in a while to get there. I really hate you sometimes, Fate. You really piss me off.

Gahh, now that I'm focused, I see all the things I've been putting off. I feel better after talking to my senior thesis teacher. She seems to finally get where I'm coming from when I say that I want to do a comic for thesis. I'm not like the other seniors who want to do comics. I know that sounds really mean, but I can speak confidently on that point. I truly believe that if I try to do a comic for thesis, I will do a really clean, awesome job. But I don't need to do a comic; I'll have all of the comic stuff I'll need for a lifetime running the Comic Creation Club at MIAD. I'm excited to set up a schedule and really teach others about making comics and learning why comics are the shit.

At least I finished my homework for my evening class. I draw one idea every ten minutes and I had 15 to do. I have more than enough time to mozy on down to the cafeteria and get a bite to eat. THAT is the power of knowing how you work as an artist. Although I really didn't figure out how I worked until halfway through junior year. Once I knew, getting work done on time was soooo much easier. Knowing yourself as an artist is that important, but it takes time, like all things that you really want to know right away.

I am glad I draw and create work really fast though. But I didn't get there in a day. It took years of hard work.

In final news, finally numbered some old sketchbooks, so I OFFICIALLY know what number I'm on again, after some two years of not knowing. The number is 70! Woooooooooooooo! I'm really excited about that. I'm actually thinking that when I reach number 100 I might publish a book with five of the best drawings from #1 to #100, that of course aren't copies of other people's work. Wouldn't that be neat? I wouldn't be publishing it for arrogance though, I truly keep those sketchbooks so that I can see how much I've improved. And like I always say, "If you can't see that your work has evolved within a month's time, you're not drawing enough." Which I firmly believe in, especially as an illustrator.

Erg... gotta go eat dinner! Best wishes to all you artists out there! Keep drawing or writing or singing or whatever you do best!